Finding and living out your values

Growing older every year makes me reflect on life experiences and lessons I have had so far. Some of these experiences have turned into values that I uphold. These values are beliefs that I hold steadfastly – they are standards by which I conduct myself and priorities that inform how I make decisions.

Determining core values is also something that brands do as they create the company's culture and define what the brand stands for in the world. With a set of core values, hiring becomes easier by identifying employees who share and live by the same values. These values also attract customers who align with what the brand stands for, shaping the general public's perception of the brand.

What are values and why do we need to define them?

Values are defined as an individual's accepted standards of right or wrong. Your values may be informed by your upbringing (family values), people of influence, or personal growth.

This concept was visually explained in a scene from "Inside Out 2", where Joy and Sadness were depositing Riley's core memory into her belief system. This memory informs her personality, whether she is kind or a good friend.

A clearly defined set of values ensures that you act according to what you think is right or wrong, and this varies from person to person.

Discovering your values

When I turned thirty, I tried to reflect and list thirty life lessons I've learned throughout my yearly turns around the Sun. I didn't manage to hit thirty, but I did find patterns, and they turned out to be my values. I titled them "Non-negotiables" – inspired by Cameron in "The Bear," season three, episode one. I liked the title because it captures their importance to me. These values are my personal boundaries, and everything else becomes something I can choose to be flexible on.

Here are my list of values (according to importance):

• Be authentic, be true and honest

• Honour your words – walk the talk, and keep your promises

• Stay humble and curious

• Be strategic and deliberate, question intention behind everything

• Be giving, be generous with your resources

• Observe. Listen. Ask good questions

• Choose kindness and see the good

• Empathise and practice patience with others

• Protect and help elderly, women, children and small animals

• Respect all religions and races, but don’t expect it to be given

• Leave a place better than you found it

• Take uncomfortable risks to challenge yourself

Each of these values has its own little story as to why it became important to me. Some are inspired by actions demonstrated by heroic strangers (e.g., protecting others and choosing kindness), and some are informed by negative interactions with others.

For example, authenticity is super important to me, and I was only recently made conscious of it after reflecting upon an interaction that left me annoyed. It made me realise how much I value authenticity as opposed to behaviours that demonstrate conformity, such as mimicry and lack of individual perspective in conversations.

1. Start from a list of values

You may already have a list of values that you live by but they are just living in your sea of consciousness. It may be hard to put words initially, but I found Brené Brown's list of values a helpful place to start.

2. Think back to core memories and life lessons

As we grow, we gain more experiences and learn from them. What are some core memories that inform you of actions that you will repeat or avoid in similar situations? This could be childhood memories, especially at home or in school, as these are formative years and would slip into our consciousness undetected but are important nonetheless.

3. Who inspires you

There is an interesting idea from Charlie Munger in his book, Poor Charlie's Alamack, where he mentally assembled a list of board directors to inspire his thoughts and behaviour. As we move through life, we'll get to meet different people. They can come and go from our lives, but we can learn from the values that they live by and demonstrate. One person on my personal list of board director is a fictional character, Ben (played by Robert De Niro) from the movie Intern. I loved how he was astute and perceptive to people around him and that gained him trust and true connection.

Write it down

Values are often something that I don't consciously think about, but putting them into tangible words held weight. I have them in my Notes app, where I'm constantly revisiting them while noting down people's behaviours that I either admire or want to learn from. Having a list also serves as a reminder and a list that I revise as I grow with more life lessons.

Till the next!